Whinging whinging

I keep whinging but its getting a bit hollow I saw GP yesterday he wants a whole lot of tests done for stuff he said because you wont come back, which is true. I dont like doing all that stuff. I dont mind dying of cancer but being hacked up and poisoned first. Once you find out no one says no to it all well not till it gets too bad or ineffective. There was a good story in the paper yesterday by an author of a book called smile or die. Meaning have a positive attitude or you'll die. One idiot friend told me we didnt have seats with TV's in the plane we were on because I had doubted they would be there. Yeah I believe in a mind body connection (and even a body mind airplane connection) for sure and maybe my grief over my mother contributed to vulnerability to heart block but these things are not simple. Do we pick our personalities, to me the babies come with personalities attached, parents affect some stuff but we are ourselves from the start I think, through we are all supposed to be some grinning cheerful role model type.

Anyway he said is there anything other problems and I thought about a referral to a psycologist but just couldnt say it. Probably better to go for Buddhist lessons at the temple. I went nuts once when I was a kid I cried for 2 days straight mental breakdown I suppose. Lots of reasons but I thought if I go get help I'll just be sucked into all that mental stuff and my parents just drove me back to work. They never talked about the crying. In the end you have to heal yourself, unless you are entirely crazy. 

Supposed to be looking up if can have ultrasound with pacemaker and gardening.