I forgot I had a blog been so absorbed in the stock market game, Mario galaxy game golf and creepy work. for the 1st yr of blogging you think about it a lot and talk to it and tell it things i think but then you get involved in other things. I was reading a few blogs that just ended I think people said more they they were happy with or had a nutter talking to their blog. It is quite a strange thing blogging solitary but not, diary but not, internet is quite a strange thing but not as real as real. Sound of a birds wing moving.
I have been lighting incense to my mother thats nice keeps away the mosquitos and smoke purifies the spirit according to Don Juan.
Had a crappy evening shift, over census again inexperienced staff backbiting comments from people then ask you to do their work and no reciprication. Mothers wanting you to take their babies and mind them but you cant do it not staffed for nursery, then have you searching the linen bins for lost bib! Then all the stories of their troubled relationships 2 crying with the postpartum blues and husbands panicking and wanting me to fix wife up how? gave panadol. Back to night shift less lazy glory seekers on nights less discharges, no thou visitors so you can get to the mothers, people come in and stay for hrs. You cant get near the mother or even into the room. Cant find equipment the cow that runs the ward will not buy any equipment only see new things at education days and on TV medical shows. Thank god part time could not take that place more often. We had a lecture on the new computer stuff we are going to do with of course not enough computers. All the crap we get looks like the hand me downs from god knows where. Program bought from US terms different too complicated too many functions designed by non clinicians. A 2nd hand computer and a BP machine from the 70's that about sums us up. Gotta laugh.
Need a holiday must mow

Interesting night one of the mothers bleeding from the nipples (my daughter horrified was it a vampire baby), not quite too cute. Strong suck and nipples getting chewed up but shouldn't be that bad that early. Asked if she had a thrush infections but it didnt look like a thrush thing and she hadnt had thrush, asked her about Raynaud syndrome. Yes she said she did have a mild form of that but she didnt think it would affect breast feeding. It does through we tried feeding with a nipple shield the shield filled up with blood. I googled Raynauds and breast feeding and people get problems with pain they treat it by keeping the breast warm, avoiding anything that causes vasocontriction coffee cigarettes etc. and taking a small amount of a betablocker which improves the vasospasms. My grandmother died of Raynauds disease.
Well got to get my money fix with Suzi Orman and the sharemarket game (ASX web site) has started you get a fictional 50thou and you trade with a hundred companies, Its a really good way to learn about the stock market without spending money of course it was too late for me I did it the other way round and things are really down now. I wish i was buying now I would just accumulate big caps on there low days. They say you have to have a ten year time frame with the market but is it is a good investment I hope eventually anyway you have to have a different avenues of investment somethings gotta go good sometime. Oh well we have somewhere to live and jobs must'nt grumble.
Good outcome with the breast feeding with Raynauds rested her nipples for 24hrs and expressed then put the baby back on going well that day may still have problems at times but she has a strategy for it so am hoping she continues. Had a nice evening all nice Mums with fewer social problems maybe the druggie thing is looking pretty daggy to the gen nexters, those skinny 30yr+ olds do not look too cool and aging or dead drugged rock stars. At least we seem to have a lot less drug issues at the moment. That would be nice.
A friend is going to work a three month contract at a New Zealand hospital that would be good I'd like to do that. I am going on holiday to the Philippines so thats so exciting for me I havent been overseas in 22 years so its all new getting a passport etc.
I would really like to work in a good hospital sometime where the admin care about the staff and their patients not just about their careers, I wonder if a place like that exists. I dont know what it is about hospitals but they seem to breed and empower the nastiest people.
Missed tennis again today very naughty but I need o mow the grass is so long from all the rain, also play Mario Galaxy on the Wii I am becoming a gamer again for a while. I brought a Atari game machine back from Singapore in !981 now they've got one like it under glass at the game men. Mario is so clever coz it teaches an unco like me to play it and the Wii is good fun I can see my gen in their nursing homes all spinning Mario Wiiiii

I thought I hadnt written anything for ages but found 2 bits on the edit thing so put them up anyway. Been very grieving like a move from acute to chronic, sometimes the acute is easier because people ask you how you are and you cry a lot its fresh your still close to the person but then time goes on and its old news and you dont cry as much but it gets to be this ache and you miss them in just ordinary things and you are getting further away from them. You want to go back all the time and you feel disconected from your life. Also I find all the old insecurities and bad feelings and no confidence stuff coming up. Like having to deal with being 17 again. I dont know why that is maybe because your mother is so connected to your growing up and my mother never saw me as amounting to much, after all I was her daughter and she never felt of much value to anyone. I think maybe thats why I have so much grief because I have a lot of issues with our relationship and the way she made me feel about myself.
Its self fulfilling too that failure thing people treat you as you expect them to. But knowing these things doesnt resolve them, I try remember that our relationship healed a lot over the years and we are lucky to have had that time.
The only way I can see through grief is kindness to others, its what made things better for me starting nursing and doing things for people to help them made me feel worth something, even through then and even more now primary care giving is seen as low skilled, and worth less than the meetingistas [just invented that word!] churning out folder after folder of unreadable policy. I seriously think that giving a patient a glass of ice water is more important than most of the rubbish done in hospitals. I always liked the tea ladies better than anyone but they are long gone of course.
Well better do some gardening we are going to the beach for coffee its still very hot and dry and we are going to have to T up at golf soon as the fairways are getting too dry and they will loose all the grass.