Boots and Bob

We went to see Bob Dylan locally. I wanted to look a bit more modern so went to look for some tights and short boots. Got dressed up daughters boyfriend said I looked very rock and roll, good, in a baby boomer way. Its weird to get old in a generation that never intended to. The boots are so cute, they have some fur at the top. The girls want to borrow them. Ends up your feet are the only part of your body that you are happy with anymore, and even they are getting bigger and wider. Went with a since-we-were-12 friend, she likes Elvis best but Bob is all thats left. I said you only get 3 bad comments about him, but I think she only did one. We had nice vietnamese meal first. 

The opening act was The Secret Sisters good country singers, and his band was sooo good sometimes I thought shush Bob let these boys play. Like his latest albums the music seems much more the point and the words kind of random. But I see his point words dont seem as important. I really like the way he mixes genres and re-interprets stuff. At one point they sounded like the big bands. It was the best show of his I've ever seen, except for "Desolation Row" sung in a ridiculous dadada thing desa lation row, all the way through. Maybe he hasnt got the breathe anymore for long sung passages through at the end he sung Stay forever young very sweetly. Anyway I dont know much about singing but I guess at nearly 70 some things have to change. He said in his latest book he had to find a new way of singing. 

We felt good after, a good night but I think I like classical music a bit more now.

Easter and holidays.

I happened to ask for my holidays at easter which is nice through I didnt know it was easter. I am not very good at forward planning or ceremonies. Today is good friday the kids are with their boyfriends. When the kids were little we would have a party every birthday for them and Christmas was important but I suppose shift work and my mother who was never into special events and a husband who is anti social means events have dwindled. Also we dont have many friends, invite-home-friends.

 My daughter said her boyfriend in-laws (there should be a word for that) said what do your family do at easter, she said work. People don't know what a disruption shift work is to social lives, you wonder if you tolerate it because you are not very social in the first place or you become anti-social because of it. Friends would say to me can't you come to the party or whatever but to even take sickie meant being abused on the phone by admin. Even my mother refused to ring for me  and a friend got stuck in a phone box listening them telling her off. They wanted you to turn up to the staff clinic so they could send you back to the ward no matter how bad you felt. Even if you were a 100 miles away you were supposed to get there. Training was a very appropriate word for it, training in fear and intimidation and loss of self confidence. 

Nurses still only get 10 sick days a year if they are full time despite working shift work and with sick people and a physical job teachers get way more and police but the union has never got off its lazy a to increase it. Also while I rant: so much for that 1 nurse to 4 patient stuff, thats a slow train never arriving. One of the girls said her boyfriend was working a double shift on a general ward at night. They rang the ADON to say they only had 2 people on 25 sick medical patients she said cut a nurse out of cardboard and put it on a chair she had no one to send. 

Be afraid be very afraid. This system is seriously sick and winter is coming. 

Combined age 165

I looked after the general patients under protest, me and another nurse said we didnt want them, I gave in she works full time I'm only part time, Two ladies in their 80's with cancer and a younger one. They were lovely. Really cute and funny so relaxing after wound up mothers and screaming babies. They had an early night they said 8.30 tucked them in. Their family came and they loved them a lot. One of the daughters fed her Mum, her mother said its like when I fed her as a child. Maybe I should get a job in aged care. Going for a surf. I feel happier but I am not into mixing with people much but that might be good you see other things birds and trees and other life.  

Three miracles

Worked tuesday day shift I dont do day shifts much doesn't fit in with family. We were short staffed and poor mix of experience and one poor casual quite sick in pain but no sick days. Told them who I was having, not the difficult patient again as I'd had her for 2 days and thought I will end up in a fight with her if she says one more F.... to me. I dont refuse patients much but sometimes its better when you know you are at the end of your patience with someone. I had 5 people but 2 were ok and one was going home, which takes quite a lot of organizing. We had been trying to get a physio to see her about some issues for two days so I rang and left a message. They came miracle 1, didnt do much but I hate saying to patients we will do things and they never happen. 

The other girl had been waiting for an ultrasound for days rang U/S oh no form ring Doc form written sat ring U/S check sat oh yes we'll do it tomorrow, tomorrow? oh we might fit her in in the afternoon. She got one in the pm miracle 2. 

Then the big one. C/S wound break big hole been home and back, very upset new baby, life vision of stuck in hospital for ? weeks. Promised the wound care person will see her, still hadnt come so I rang oh yes I'm coming next (was she) I'm off at 11.30. Funny person. Looked at the wound said oh about ten times then walked out saying I didn't want to say anything in front of patient. I said you should, we talk to our patients. She wanted to ring the doctor to get permission for a Vac dressing he wasnt answering I said go ahead and arrange it I'll tell him about it, he'll be fine with it. Then she left but didnt tell me that she'd organized it. I told the doctor and waited then miracle 3 the company rep turned up to help us do the dressing. We thought she put it on but I did under her direction. It is really good a closed system that only needs changing twice a week. Very good for a new mum. I'm sure there are issues with it and very expensive but really a good solution for her and she could go home and get seen by the community. She said thank you about a hundred times this would never had got done if you hadnt pushed it. I'm afraid she is right. I was so happy it got organised.

Theres always the sting in the tail one of the petulant princesses had complained to a junior doc (a fellow PP) she hadnt got her iron and vit c tablets and she complained to the unit manager who had the good sense for once not to bring it up with me. Sigh. Who told this gen that its all about you. I laughed felt happy who knew a Vac dressing could make you so happy. 

Nutty conversation

In the kitchen the family are making dinner as I "worked" today well had a study day on the sick neonate. They are having quite an odd conversation in the kitchen. 

The study day was a little upsetting as that was where I liked working in the nursery but they got rid of me years ago. They started this policy of rotation through all the areas birthing unit the clinic and the ward oh they said everybody will be rotating except only a few people ever got moved, and mostly as punishment for not crawling to the horrible NUM of the nursery. She resembles a rat. I guess I was lucky to get out of her orbit it would have ended in tears working in there. The ward is creepy but not as bad as the nursery. To begin with we are all the rejects on the ward so hardly anyone crawls or tells stories. The thing was I regarded those people in the nursery as my friends but they were just happy it wasn't them being moved no one protested about it they just kept quiet in case they got into trouble. Nurses. 

I think now, too late nursing was a big mistake of a career. Lots of reasons. I guess not that many people get just the right job for them, especially  woman  when I was young, choice of be a nurse or be a teacher, didnt seem to be much else. I think my daughters are choosing the right things and I hope they have the confidence and self belief to move on when they want to. I never did.