Having a very paranoid day. Worked yesterday evening shift. One of the birthing unit staff says to me are you telling the local paper stuff about the department, what says I, you've got to be kidding. Someone is she said, well they could make it accurate says I looking after 20 people each is exaggerating a bit. It was pretty lightly said and normally I think of that person as quite nice through I dont know her well. Today I am really stressed about it and wonder who is saying that story. The CEO had a veiled or not so veiled warning about saying anything to the media about the hospital system and I've seen other people done over on the suspicion that they leaked something. I am not really interested in "whats wrong with health" I wouldnt know where to start. The rants I do in this blog have taught me that and history. Change is always double edged nearly everything you do has good and bad effects about the only thing you can say for sure is change will happen and be used by the ambitious to control and promote themselves.
You get older and you carry the scars and the damage of places and people. I want to wipe that all away. Sometimes I think of becoming a Buddhist nun and leaving this rubbish behind! Be in the world but not of it the sufis say. Easier said than done. I think nurses are really prone to carrying the damage. The grace and the curse of empathy. You feel their pain and it lets you help them but it does damage. The sorcerers say that human feelings are better in alignment with the feelings of trees. So I think of the trees I know well.
Actually I am feeling over her comments quicker than I used to. I used to worry over these things all week, so thats an improvement.I am starting to think about leaving work. We could take contracts in places like Darwin etc. I think that would be fun.
This morning I am watching the stock market thought I might buy a little something but what! I thought BHP but the analyst says it will be sold off today profit taking. So I might just buy some new swimmers.
Am reading paper watching business channel reading garden magazine writing this. Wall st down 8% they think there will be selling on our market mostly we follow US. Better do so gardening.

Played big golf today, the 18 hole comp, played some good holes, nice company, Very hot windy and some rain but beautiful big seas and big clouds building up it was very dramatic. Lots of nice birds little blue wrens, a little hawk but I dont know what kind. I dont know why I keep watching birds. My mother was a bird watcher so it is like seeing through her eyes, part of missing her. It is not as bad as it was, 7 1/2 weeks I think I knew to the day till this week but I am not counting the days so much. The scorcerers say you should turn to face the oncoming time not look back at the past. You can see that that is freedom because the future is does not burden you the way the past does. They say you must go to the place in your feelings of no pity. If you think of the look in a wild animals eyes that is like the place of no pity, in a world where death is stalking us there is no time for regrets.
I am trying to play golf like that. Sounds kind of petty but either everything we do matters or nothing does.
Doing a lot of gardening being in a garden is always soothing. I like little plants but I have so many trees they get a bit lost I would like to plant a fruit forrest