Autumn is so nice

Its late afternoon the camellias are in flower lots of birds have been to drink. Its hot in the day and cool at night, perfect. I wanted to go for a body board but sea too flat to be bothered. We did aquarobics today , an extra one and daughter and I went to beach for coffee. Have promised the dog a walk then going to have a long soak and read more of the girl who kicked the hornets nest. Tonight the Killing is on very good Danish drama, by the makers of the Eagle and Unit One, also great. Usual messed up scheduling, we'll end up buying the DVD.

Did the ultrasound test yesterday, did they tell you its internal.....no, no lumps she said and the ca blood. I said this surveillance thing makes you feel you've failed if they don't find things. Supposed to do mammogram too I figured I have done my bit for medicine for a while. 

Today I felt almost happy (I dont want to go too far) I dont think I've felt like that for years, there was always this dull dreadful feeling behind everything, grief? the heart? depression? I dont know. But its gone. I got over them not turning the right setting, rate responsive on. It doesnt suit some people from what I've read but I feel better with it through it made me twitchy almost after all the flat heartedness. Settings make a big difference I suppose. I am reading the physiology of the electrical system of the heart. You open one book and another ten questions start. This is my quest for why, but more likely coming to terms with not knowing for sure. 

Its getting darker, daylight saving ended at easter so now its dark early go walk the dog.