Wild mouse

There was a wild mouse in the kitchen, it chased the dog out and up the stairs. Useless dog . we think its died somewhere and the smell is awful I can smell it when I go to work we cant find it, probably in the wall cavity. I wish we were nomads still would be good just to pack and leave! 

Had a run in with one of the girls at work she started asking me about the thing I said I dont talk about it 3 times but on she goes the final straw was shall we just treat you as if you were normal. Yeah that'd be nice you rude ignorant "nice" person. Some people ride their wave of niceness right over your feelings. In the end I said if you say another word to me I'm leaving, I was so upset and angry I couldn't function. I know I'm just the freak to them but most of them have the grace to pretend and not mention the elephant. I really wanted to go but if I did she would take over the girl I was looking after and not let her go home which would have really upset the girl. The baby wasn't feeding really well and I 'd organized follow up but sometimes they get so upset staying and you cant fix everything in a couple of days. I thought she would be buying formula on the way home really. Lots of them do that. 

Oh well probably an improvement fighting with staff not patients. you certainly see another side to people. 

Cranky nurse

I feel so bad I dont want to even talk about it. Have had fights with patients last two weeks. The first girl was very rude and I called her psycho to a nurse coming in the room the boyfriend heard it and went ballistic at me. In the end I apologized but I am beginning to feel like I cant deal with these people anymore too tired. Last night I did feel worse about, girl rang and baby crying. I'd been trying to settle a baby at the desk with no luck so I was a bit short with her and she got mad because she was tired, the baby had been on antibiotics so probably had a sore tummy and they had been comping him in the nursery so he wasn't too pleased about getting just colostrum. Anyway I said sorry again and I am sorry but just no patience feel like I'm turning into cranky old nurse. There are some jobs advertised at a nursing home name your shifts that might be better. 

Maybe I need some long service leave. I get so tired I hate midwifery now. They are staffing us for the overflow of general patients so the ward is a madhouse everyone is angry and they cant get staff. 

One of the general wards had no staff at all one day must have been fun, pulling in people from anywhere and no one in the place who knows the ward or where anything is. I was talking to one of the casuals about working somewhere else but she said its horrible everywhere mid is the best. 

Its tiredness but also I think getting old and feeling ugly and no self confidence, the mums are young and beautiful and what are you just some old person telling them what to do so you dont feel so good about yourself and that makes me very prickly. Its easy to figure these things out but not easy to change your feelings. Also we dont feel valued at work just shoved around. I really hate nursing now. I feel like it did this heart thing to me with the stress and shifts and horrible people. Maybe I should see a psychologist. Everytime I think I am getting better I feel bad again. 

spring

All the flowers are out the freesias and blossoms. I bought a packet of sunflower seeds and nasturtiums and poppy seeds even I can grow those I hope. But then I was crying a bit because spring is so nice it is sad too. I miss my mother because we would always mark the year with the freesias in flower. Her front yard was full of them in the grass she wouldn't mow the lawn so they would flower, they are the old fashioned ones with soft colours and lovely perfume. 

I cant believe I cant see her anymore. It is nearly two years and not as painful but death is so strange really. 

I had a lovely op shop shop. I bought a tapestry and all the wool for it and a book on ferns and a set of orange little bowls, very 60's. Op shopping is so good satisfies the need to shop but so cheap, all that for $15. I like the history of things even of silly things people buy, foot spas are a big item in op shops. Teaches you to think twice about what you buy. 

Thermii

Finally I found two small thermos so we are free from the going to a coffee shop. We can go anywhere and have our coffee at the beach and save money. How good, also they fit in the cup containers in the car. Very exciting. It will fit in my golf bag well too. Well we just need the caravan and we can join the grey nomads.

I've been playing a computer game Plants v Zombies but the zombies are winning, they have eaten my brain. I think of good posts but they are zombie food.

We had another drama on our corner today. This corner must be a bit of a magical place well it turns into a creek when it floods and spirits hang around waterways. We have had floods, a big (100 ft) gum got undermined with a broken pipe and it had to be taken down in the middle of the night. It is a natural amphitheater, we can hear what people are saying in the street which is kind of funny. Today we had gale force winds. I did aquarobics in the morning.  The pool has a big tent like cover the gym people and us were watching it shake in the wind. Later in the morning the police were blocking the street cause power lines had come down on the road. Very scarey. 

I'm so tired busy shifts the girl in charge must have run 50 people some twice to find people. Usual problem over census and the people calling in sick, They are talking about having a 10 hr night duty which some people want but most dont. Also most of our staff are part time and only 3 do only nights so its difficult to juggle hours. I dont know how it will work as no one has talked to us. This is another Garling report outcome I think, so imposed from above. Might have to find another job with the hours I want  if it my roster becomes unworkable and the place gets into more of a mess with 6 hr shifts. You are supposed to have a certain no of staff on then you are short for a few hours in a patchwork of hours. Someone goes off at 9pm saying all my ladies are settle ha then they all start buzzing. 

I know its worse in general I read the stories, at least our lot might be alive at the end of the shift but trying telling a mother you haven't got time to help her feed her baby!