Just a short note about new years dinner. We had trout with almonds and mashed potato with cream [light cream]. I should have made a salad but I wasnt in the mood for cooking really so it was lucky I got that made and it was as nice. Nigella says she photos all her dishes and takes notes on them. Im going to get a note book and at least keep a few notes it makes deciding on
dinner easier. We had fresh figs and ice cream for dessert so I wasnt so miserable about not going out for new year. Its the only day of the year I expect the crowd of "couple" friends to appear and ask us to exciting events. Unfortunately no one ever does to my husbands great relief sociability quota minus ten. We drove daughter to work while the fireworks went off.
Resolutions the usual: get fit, cook a decent meal at night no stupid amounts of money on non eatable take away, budget better (thank you Susie Orman) write more finish a story and do better spelling and grammar, very lazy about corrections. Oh and stop beating myself up over my mother and wanting to cry.
We going to look at the big seas if they are still big and having coffee at the beach and take daughter to work again. I have 4 more months long service leave and should get some casual work but its nice to be off.

Just my day quite a nice one except for bad prawns. A friend usually brings over rice paper wrapped prawns but they didnt this year so I had bit of a craving for them rang her to get the ingredients. Pretty easy the rice papers, rice noodles, prawns, cucumber, coriander, dipping sauce and avocardo. Then I tried one of the prawns $24 a kilo and tasted like rubbish. Wont eat them like that might be bad, lucky I looked at Nigellas summer book and she has a recipe for them without the prawns. The secret is putting some sauces on the noodles. They came out really nice and just the thing for a hot day holiday lunch, no cooking just melting.
I was really sleepy today because I did aquarobics this morning it is hard work an hour of movement in the pool. Its such a good fitness for the youthfully challenged and its worth it for the laughs. Then I went to see Mum at the nursing home and sat in the corridor with her reading the paper and then went out to the garden checking our tomatoes and stawberries. Now we are having a lovely afternoon watching Liverpool play Manchester City really good game thru no score. We like Liverpool a lot but also Manchester City so we didnt mind a draw.
I was going to write some more of my story but I want to go for a swim is very hot lucky there is a cool breeze or it would have got to 40s

Beautiful sunday very warm with a nice breeze. Will go swimming soon. Decided on a name for the servant Wren like those beautiful birds. I thought she is like the female wrens my mother and I watch in the garden at the nursing home. The male is all showy blues but the female is plain grey/brown. Then i was rereading "Northern Lights" and the servant was called Wren in the beginning of the story very odd I think it was only mentioned once and I have a terrible memory. anyway it was a male servant and my servant is female, so i didnt copy just an accident if anyone notices, not likely. Funny story yesterday we were in the garden I was watched one of the old fellows in one of the garden beds stuck behind a tree there were branches sticking out both sides he was going from one side to another couldnt get out. He was so cute I had to take his hand and get him out. Then he was making off with mum pushing her wheelchair.
stuffit I'm going swimmig write later.

Once no one would dare touch the old witch now they toughed her hands and patted her head they were hungry for contact with her and she for them . She should have sent them about their business but she thought of nothing but attention.
The old servant slid the door open, put on her outdoor shoes and stepped off the veranda onto the large stones that formed the path to the well. She pulled up the bucket of water and carried it back into the house. Her mistress lay on the bedding on the floor the supplicants came in a few at a time. The servant stay out of attention as much as she could, it was unwise to draw attention to oneself in the presence of the old one. The servant had long practised invisibility, she thought the old witch had forgotten her name and measured the decline in the powers of the ruler by the loss of awareness of the people and things around. She knew this presented grave dangers to the domains she ruled.

christmas day full of tears. We brought my mother home from the nursing home. She remembered her old house but not our house and not her retirement village unit or the people there. we were worried she be upset about all her things in our house but it didnt seem to worry her much. She didnt get upset till we took her back to the nursing home then she said why are you taking me here I said you live here do I she said then she saw one of the nurses she knew and cheered up. the nurses are so nice in the home. Its so funny people think they are such awful places but she is much better since she has been there and they do so much to look after the residents and make them comfortable. mum has been very disruptive at night they thought she had another urinary tract infection and started her on antibiotics so she has been a lot better. one of the ladys in her room wanted to move because of all the noise. The lady next to her died the day before yesterday I kept looking at the emptry bed not realising then the other lady told me. Mum didnt know. She didnt move or talk or feed herself and I think she was over ninty. she smiled a few times and held a soft toy. my eyes are sore from crying

I am not game enough to try a title it keeps going hindu or whatever language that is. I am much better today about my mother stopped crying and getting some distance. I did aquarobics yesterday walked the dog and had another swim in the pool. Got worn out which felt good and decided to stop feeling depressed I'm sick of it. Either you die or you live so may as well live happy. I am on the beautiful maclap which we brought when I was staying with Mum and looking after her and going crazy its in the red for battery so cant write much I am sitting on he front veranda with the evening coming on and the smells of the garden around. Magic time deep evening greens the cicardas are going but not so loud tonight. We played golf today but only 12 holes too tried all stress. My sister is getting sick and my brother and i feel like my nerves are strung out over barbed wire. I thought of a story about it:
The old witch was dying. There were movements in the ground and chasms opening up on the earth. Storms raged for days and crops failed in the fields. They cut the trees to the ground in other places to try and save them because no rain had fallen. The old witch shivered in her bed and the waves ravaged the shores. She had not named a successor believing she would become a rival and destroy her. So she had ploted and played with many over the long years of her guardianship those that had not predeceased her had left delusioned by her games and flatteries. Her power which was great and had no equal in that world was often dangerously out of control. The more so in later years as her familiars died or left for safer harbours than her increasingly unpredictable rule. In many ways she had remained a child and the older witch who had bestowed her had mistakenly believed that the child would grow into the wisdom of the role.
This is not to say she wasn't loved, she was loved too well and too much. She was infinitely lovably like a child but like a child had no control over the pendulum of moods. The domaine like she herself was without balance it tittered dangerously in all directions. The people crowded around. Waiting, not able do their work or care for their families. The old witch lapped up all the attention like a starved homeless kittern. She, who should of sent them on their way invited more and more attention. In the deep backgroung an old and barely noticed person watched it all and planed another outcome
gotta go battery bye bye

What mattered today i have been wondering. I played tennis very nicely that kinda perfectly relaxed and in the zone way where you can get all the difficult shots. I keep trying to play games like a fish swims almost not thinking about it. I didnt go and see Mum today I need to get a bit of distance there else i am going to get very depressed. I just want to cry all the time. I dont mean to be so close to her feelings but its always been that way and I"ve always had to keep some distance sometimes. She is so endearing and so nuts We have a house full of her stuff moved out of her unit. I feel like I've stolen her things. I tell her whats going on but she forgets a little bit later. I got really upset because the nurses said she is keeping other patients awake at night like I can doing anything about it they want to give her sleeping tablets as she is very agitated. I hope that helps but I have my doubts. So tired going to bed.