thats a good sign I guess I haven't googled anything about PM's today, well not yet anyway and I am starting to think I'll just have to live with vague maybe reasons for it happening. I had some good answers on the Pacemaker Club site to my questions about causes. Its difficult to deal with if you didnt feel ill really and even if you did. My friend said well its just like a hip replacement and stuff like that. It should be, my husband says theoretically would you have thought you could get this upset about a PM. I said no, no way I would have thought it would affect me the way it has. Its been really good to read the pacemaker site because lots of people do get really upset over it. I think it is the heart bit. I was reading a review of a book by James J Lynch linking mind and body, emotional and physical states. His blood pressure studies are really interesting.
I've thought all kind of funny things I think well I'm really dead I've felt dead because my heart is not working itself. Then I think it happened because I was grieving and I had lost all my connections to the world and my only connection was to the past, then I think from smoking years ago, my mother smoking during pregnancy, toxic substs, stress etc etc. I am such a theorist at heart I have to have a theory about everything.
I am not crying so much now. I want to change some things through. I dont want to feel the stress I feel every time I go to work. deep breathing deep breathing.
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