Yesterday was the funeral. I tried to tell my husband I was taking a sickie but they wouldnt let me. People keep saying are you ok I guess I am the mourner central or something. I hadnt had my hair done for ages so I decided during the week I should look nice for her because she always was so pretty even as an old lady she had lovely white hair and all the nurses loved her. She was such a lucky person really and very talented but she never believed in herself enough.
The night before we went shopping for some nice clothes to wear and then we had dinner at the harbour. The little lighthouse was still lit up pink for breast cancer week.
My husband did a little talk about Mum at the funeral and the girls read a poem and gave a talk. I didnt talk I coudnt and I cried because they were so sincere and true to her. We had a celebant for the rest and then she talked. I was quite upset because she was quite religious and sentimental. My mother would of thought what a load of codswollop (what is codswollop, must look it up)
meaning what rubbish. But then I was glad coz she dried us up really well. Also when you cry eventually you have to blow yr nose which just kills the miserable mood with a comic sound. I was glad to stop crying because I wanted to talk to her friends that were there, the survivers! I wish we valued our older people more they are so nice and gracious. It was lovely to see them the cast of my childhood. One of her good friends in the Bird Observers Club said that she had been to see her in the nursing home. Mum told her that she was quite happy there and that I was more upset than her. I was surprised that she had that much insight.
This week has been so exhausting I thought I will have some peaceful time but so far none. We dont even know that many people but have heard from all of them it seems. It is really supportive and very distracting from the saddness but sometimes you just want to be quiet a bit.
Yesterday was also a beautiful warm day and it was hard to be totally sad in spring so that was clever of her to leave us then, such a graceful life in the face a difficult childhood.
In the afternoon we went to the beach and I had a surf with my bodyboard, there were some nice waves. The water is 16degrees and it is good for healing I think like being craddled in the arms of the earth. Maybe becoz we came from the water we still feel most at home in it.
Today its thunder and lightening and rainy I think the earth is crying for her, I think it loved her too.