duh I have flu it is not good. Had it for a week so far but I went back to work last night. I needed my roster and I think I needed some normal at least my version of same. Cant hide at home forever, mostly I feel ok except for unpredictable crying attacks over mum, one associated with being too hot? or thats all that seemed to precipitate tears. Nothing much to say about grief just have to live thru it. I was worse when my father died maybe you get used to it. When I was 16 and staying at my grandmothers I was shelling peas and she was reading the paper, she said oh so and so died that lady we saw the other day in a chatty voice. Do you get used to loosing people as you get older? A friend says her father loses his shed friend and then he goes and makes another friend.
A few years ago I went to a suburb of Sydney where my grandparents lived and where we went every 2nd weekend of our childhood sitting around while aunties talked. I got so upset cause that whole world had gone and I really liked those people they were so interested and interesting. Two of the aunties had travelled overland from Europe through the Khyber Pass in their 70's. They are the pillars of your world and then then they are gone and you have to be that for your children but I never feel that monumental or sure of anything.
The first night at work was crappy birthing unit sent us round a girl with an abnormal cardiac trace, she needed specialing all night and we dont have staff for that the idiot med reg said to her this is the best place for you not coronary care because you have a baby. There is something deeply wrong with that statement, finally at 7.30 they took her to CCU, really patient dumping is just awful in the system, I wish people would sort patients out properly, get things ordered, drugs given tests done and decisions made. A young girl with young children with a cardiac condition never properly looked whats the cost if she gets really ill. Do they really think that midwives can look after cardiac issues that need monitoring without a monitor in the middle of a ward full of babies and mothers. I feel bad because I should have jumped up and down early and got her into CCU earlier but really I had no idea about cardiac stuff and the med reg kept treating her condition like it was a minor thing. She ended up on digoxin which doesnt seem too minor to me.
Years ago we had a mother die in the nursery, she was feeding and she collapsed, she'd had a slow bleed in her abdo then shot off a clot. One of the girls involved in the resus left mid after that and works in A&E she said she felt so hopeless in the resus that she wanted to go and get competent again. Its hard when you only deal with those emergencies occasionally.
They rang for me to work an extra but really you want to limit your exposure to the mess.