Back to golf today that was nice through I didnt want to go. A friend said she didnt leave home for 6 weeks after her mother died, I feel like I'm just supposed to be normal but I dont feel so normal, I'm glad other people feel like that. I only played little golf the nine hole comp at the small course, havent been quite able to face the 18 hole comp. at the big club. Maybe next week.
Came home to do some gardening and had a stupidaster (disaster caused by stupiity). We had a bean bag in the pool years ago and made a mess when the beans escaped swore I would never do that again, well you know did it again was trying to take pull the bean bag out of the pool and it split. Polystyrene world all over the pool and surroundings. The afternoon spent scooping them up off everything NEVER BUY HUGE BAGS OF MANMADE CRAP again.
I really am going to try and be more organic etc. On a happier note I potted up some tomatoes heritage kinds fron Diggers Seeds.
Work tonight so going to sleep.
Another mad weekend at work cant even talk about it madness takes its toll. I was not good. Feel better today realised I was crying with this weird idea that if I cry enough she will come back, your Mum always comes when you cry doesnt she. There is stuff that goes on that is not at your thinking level at all its at your feelings and in your child levels. Got worn out of tears kind of weary of it all. Four weeks, getting further and further away I hate that, life drags you on.