We went to Sydney to see the craft show and a friend of a friend asked about the heart thing and I told her how awful it all is and then had another stress out at my husband in the evening. I swore I wouldn't talk to anyone about it anymore and then I do, stupid. Nothing they can say or do makes any difference. People just don't like hearing you say you'd rather have died. Its the truth death felt really peaceful after all the grief and I was really tired. death is soothing. I think I've moved away from feeling so bad about being alive with this piece of shit in me but I wouldn't say I'm glad to be alive. Anyway I dont really believe I'm ok cant believe anything that would kill off your heart like that is just going to be ok or a piece of shit technology is going to be ok. Anyway I think I will whinge here and stop whinging at people.
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