Once no one would dare touch the old witch now they toughed her hands and patted her head they were hungry for contact with her and she for them . She should have sent them about their business but she thought of nothing but attention.
The old servant slid the door open, put on her outdoor shoes and stepped off the veranda onto the large stones that formed the path to the well. She pulled up the bucket of water and carried it back into the house. Her mistress lay on the bedding on the floor the supplicants came in a few at a time. The servant stay out of attention as much as she could, it was unwise to draw attention to oneself in the presence of the old one. The servant had long practised invisibility, she thought the old witch had forgotten her name and measured the decline in the powers of the ruler by the loss of awareness of the people and things around. She knew this presented grave dangers to the domains she ruled.
Wednesday, 26 December 2007
Tuesday, 25 December 2007
christmas day full of tears. We brought my mother home from the nursing home. She remembered her old house but not our house and not her retirement village unit or the people there. we were worried she be upset about all her things in our house but it didnt seem to worry her much. She didnt get upset till we took her back to the nursing home then she said why are you taking me here I said you live here do I she said then she saw one of the nurses she knew and cheered up. the nurses are so nice in the home. Its so funny people think they are such awful places but she is much better since she has been there and they do so much to look after the residents and make them comfortable. mum has been very disruptive at night they thought she had another urinary tract infection and started her on antibiotics so she has been a lot better. one of the ladys in her room wanted to move because of all the noise. The lady next to her died the day before yesterday I kept looking at the emptry bed not realising then the other lady told me. Mum didnt know. She didnt move or talk or feed herself and I think she was over ninty. she smiled a few times and held a soft toy. my eyes are sore from crying
Thursday, 20 December 2007
I am not game enough to try a title it keeps going hindu or whatever language that is. I am much better today about my mother stopped crying and getting some distance. I did aquarobics yesterday walked the dog and had another swim in the pool. Got worn out which felt good and decided to stop feeling depressed I'm sick of it. Either you die or you live so may as well live happy. I am on the beautiful maclap which we brought when I was staying with Mum and looking after her and going crazy its in the red for battery so cant write much I am sitting on he front veranda with the evening coming on and the smells of the garden around. Magic time deep evening greens the cicardas are going but not so loud tonight. We played golf today but only 12 holes too tried all stress. My sister is getting sick and my brother and i feel like my nerves are strung out over barbed wire. I thought of a story about it:
The old witch was dying. There were movements in the ground and chasms opening up on the earth. Storms raged for days and crops failed in the fields. They cut the trees to the ground in other places to try and save them because no rain had fallen. The old witch shivered in her bed and the waves ravaged the shores. She had not named a successor believing she would become a rival and destroy her. So she had ploted and played with many over the long years of her guardianship those that had not predeceased her had left delusioned by her games and flatteries. Her power which was great and had no equal in that world was often dangerously out of control. The more so in later years as her familiars died or left for safer harbours than her increasingly unpredictable rule. In many ways she had remained a child and the older witch who had bestowed her had mistakenly believed that the child would grow into the wisdom of the role.
This is not to say she wasn't loved, she was loved too well and too much. She was infinitely lovably like a child but like a child had no control over the pendulum of moods. The domaine like she herself was without balance it tittered dangerously in all directions. The people crowded around. Waiting, not able do their work or care for their families. The old witch lapped up all the attention like a starved homeless kittern. She, who should of sent them on their way invited more and more attention. In the deep backgroung an old and barely noticed person watched it all and planed another outcome
gotta go battery bye bye
The old witch was dying. There were movements in the ground and chasms opening up on the earth. Storms raged for days and crops failed in the fields. They cut the trees to the ground in other places to try and save them because no rain had fallen. The old witch shivered in her bed and the waves ravaged the shores. She had not named a successor believing she would become a rival and destroy her. So she had ploted and played with many over the long years of her guardianship those that had not predeceased her had left delusioned by her games and flatteries. Her power which was great and had no equal in that world was often dangerously out of control. The more so in later years as her familiars died or left for safer harbours than her increasingly unpredictable rule. In many ways she had remained a child and the older witch who had bestowed her had mistakenly believed that the child would grow into the wisdom of the role.
This is not to say she wasn't loved, she was loved too well and too much. She was infinitely lovably like a child but like a child had no control over the pendulum of moods. The domaine like she herself was without balance it tittered dangerously in all directions. The people crowded around. Waiting, not able do their work or care for their families. The old witch lapped up all the attention like a starved homeless kittern. She, who should of sent them on their way invited more and more attention. In the deep backgroung an old and barely noticed person watched it all and planed another outcome
gotta go battery bye bye
Monday, 17 December 2007
What mattered today i have been wondering. I played tennis very nicely that kinda perfectly relaxed and in the zone way where you can get all the difficult shots. I keep trying to play games like a fish swims almost not thinking about it. I didnt go and see Mum today I need to get a bit of distance there else i am going to get very depressed. I just want to cry all the time. I dont mean to be so close to her feelings but its always been that way and I"ve always had to keep some distance sometimes. She is so endearing and so nuts We have a house full of her stuff moved out of her unit. I feel like I've stolen her things. I tell her whats going on but she forgets a little bit later. I got really upset because the nurses said she is keeping other patients awake at night like I can doing anything about it they want to give her sleeping tablets as she is very agitated. I hope that helps but I have my doubts. So tired going to bed.
Monday, 26 November 2007
kev07
God its monday a week later already. I write like crap now, I used to write well once must practice more. Had a sporty week last week back to tennis and two days of golf, played not very well but at least was out there. Played tennis today went to see Mum in the nursing home, the therapist suggested we do a family history which was really fun because she could remember much more about the past than about this morning so we had much more to talk about, her roommate comes out in her wheelchair which she "walks" outside to join us.
Its funny when you first walk into that world you get so sad coz there are guys with their legs falling off, there's a lady at the front door who lets her imaginary friends in a guy who looks like a founding member of the ministry of funny walks as he shuffles along and lots of people with lots of absence but in the end you see there humaness and the humanity of the people who care for them. Anyway Mum is much happier there sleeping less but more settled sleep and more stimulated playing bowls and bingo, I never thought much of occupational therapy but really it is the little things that matter and kindness. Just having a conversation around some of the residents is good for them. It is a much simpler life in a way but it is kind of nice.
We go out in the garden and we watch the birds there are the beautiful blue wrens and the starlings were up in the sky in a mad flock. It looked like a big storm was coming in and there must be lots of insects blow up into the air coz the birds were really excited. Mum has been in the local bird observers club for 25 years or so a founding member and went to lots of places bird watching. Sri Lanka and the gulf of Carpentaria the most exotic. She was such a lady when we were little kids and then got a tent for her 60th birthday and treked around everywhere. She loves gardens and the bush and art and Japanese culture and different foods.
Its rainy tonight and there is a new government in power so we think the drought will break. At least the stock market inproved it was looking a bit sick last week. we are really glad to see Howard out I think he was trying to make us like the USA where only rich people matter and the ordinary people are feed hope and live in desperation. At least public might not be a dirty word and public schools might have the occasional new toilet block while the private schools build their sports halls and indoor pools. My kids will never vote liberal after the way they've been treated as public schoolkids and working on work place agreements.
Well its nice to see a change but will see if labour shoots itself in the foot again as in previous moments in power. Good to see the greens get a good run onya Bob Brown well on that faintly optimistic note to bed goodnite mushrooms. Actually I'm really pleased Rudds in onya Kev get it right.
Its funny when you first walk into that world you get so sad coz there are guys with their legs falling off, there's a lady at the front door who lets her imaginary friends in a guy who looks like a founding member of the ministry of funny walks as he shuffles along and lots of people with lots of absence but in the end you see there humaness and the humanity of the people who care for them. Anyway Mum is much happier there sleeping less but more settled sleep and more stimulated playing bowls and bingo, I never thought much of occupational therapy but really it is the little things that matter and kindness. Just having a conversation around some of the residents is good for them. It is a much simpler life in a way but it is kind of nice.
We go out in the garden and we watch the birds there are the beautiful blue wrens and the starlings were up in the sky in a mad flock. It looked like a big storm was coming in and there must be lots of insects blow up into the air coz the birds were really excited. Mum has been in the local bird observers club for 25 years or so a founding member and went to lots of places bird watching. Sri Lanka and the gulf of Carpentaria the most exotic. She was such a lady when we were little kids and then got a tent for her 60th birthday and treked around everywhere. She loves gardens and the bush and art and Japanese culture and different foods.
Its rainy tonight and there is a new government in power so we think the drought will break. At least the stock market inproved it was looking a bit sick last week. we are really glad to see Howard out I think he was trying to make us like the USA where only rich people matter and the ordinary people are feed hope and live in desperation. At least public might not be a dirty word and public schools might have the occasional new toilet block while the private schools build their sports halls and indoor pools. My kids will never vote liberal after the way they've been treated as public schoolkids and working on work place agreements.
Well its nice to see a change but will see if labour shoots itself in the foot again as in previous moments in power. Good to see the greens get a good run onya Bob Brown well on that faintly optimistic note to bed goodnite mushrooms. Actually I'm really pleased Rudds in onya Kev get it right.
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
तेअर्स ऑफ़ rage
its 1pm so I want to go for a swim before i go out so I dont want to write except the writing is a kind of therapy for all the clogged up and teary days that seem to be around. Water will wash away your sadness and chocolate will take away yr sadness- the witches say. I went to work yesterday to arrange my leave and everyone had a sad story of aging or dying parents. We have all just hit that age Going for swim.
Monday, 19 November 2007
Well no posts on my blogs so thats good this is very private. Its been 4 months since I wrote anything. The next night I stayed at my mothers and she was in a lot of pain. She had really bad pain in her left hip and was writhing around on her bed. I gave her a pain killer and thought I'd have to take her to hospital in the morning but by 12.30am I called the ambulance. Its so weird to call an emergency number. I was really shattered to ring. It seemed like ages till they came through it wasnt but listening to your mother in pain like that is awful. When they came she was settled and they were going to just reassure I think but the the pain came back and they changed their view and loaded her into the ambulance and put in a canula and gave her morphine. I went home and told them what was happening eldest daughter offered to come up to Cas with me.
It was a friday night and looked a bit of a disaster area but things just got worse and worse. We sat beside her in Cas till about 5am but she wasnt assessed through she was fairly comfortable or at least only semi conscious with a little breakthru pain from the muscle spasms (thats what it looked like). By 5 we were exhaused and nothing was happening so we went home. I came back around ten or eleven and she'd been seen, I think around 8-9 am only 7-8 hrs after arriving.
They were thinking that she'd fractured her hip in one of the falls she'd had in the previous weeks so they had put in a catheter in her bladder and were taking her round to xray and scanning. Time gets a bit weird now I dont remember the sequence of things very well but I must have gone home for a while then and come back after the tests. They said they had no beds and things were obviously getting worse and worse in the place trolleys were lining the corridors and there were patients everywhere.
They wanted to move her to a bed at one of the private hospitals but it was quite a long way away and I wasnt happy with that, I wanted her to go to the closer private hosp but they didnt have any beds. The discharge planner had seen her and started assessing her which was ok kind of but this seemed to be before she was diagnosed and we were never really told all the procedulal shit till a lot later. At some time in the afternoon they sent over a doctor in nappies to inform me that she didnt have a broken hip and they diagnosed that she had back pain and they didnt admit people with backpain so she could go home. I looked at her 85years old out of it on pain killers but still having bad break through pain. They had given her no drugs to treat the pain other than morphine. I said to him well thats not really the issue I cant take her home in that state he looked at her and wandered off. Next the nurse in charge came to get rid of us. I got the pat on the arm and the condescending bullshit. The specialist that weekend had refused to look after her he was snowed under and the wonder boys had diagnosed backache so He wasnt interested in looking after that. She got the message I wasnt taking her home in that state and did a deal to keep her overnight and get the pain sorted. Off I went home
Come back sunday morning nothing much changed still on morphine still having break thru pain, nothing tried like valium to stop the spasms. I sat for two hours in front of the desk but no one came near me. she was crying and very upset in between sleeping. In the end I rang the friend that was visiting from melbourne and arranged to meet her at the beach. We had coffee and I told her what was going on. I went home and the hospital had been ringing where was I big panic she had failed the walking test big surprise and they werent allowed to send her home like that. We went back to the hospital and they had sent her to the private hospital. i said dont you normally tell relations when you move people oh she just left and they were just calling you more bullshit she left at least an hour before. Well that was the start of a four month nightmare of well meaning stuff ups and her decline in mental and physical health and our education into the world of caring for the aged.
It was a friday night and looked a bit of a disaster area but things just got worse and worse. We sat beside her in Cas till about 5am but she wasnt assessed through she was fairly comfortable or at least only semi conscious with a little breakthru pain from the muscle spasms (thats what it looked like). By 5 we were exhaused and nothing was happening so we went home. I came back around ten or eleven and she'd been seen, I think around 8-9 am only 7-8 hrs after arriving.
They were thinking that she'd fractured her hip in one of the falls she'd had in the previous weeks so they had put in a catheter in her bladder and were taking her round to xray and scanning. Time gets a bit weird now I dont remember the sequence of things very well but I must have gone home for a while then and come back after the tests. They said they had no beds and things were obviously getting worse and worse in the place trolleys were lining the corridors and there were patients everywhere.
They wanted to move her to a bed at one of the private hospitals but it was quite a long way away and I wasnt happy with that, I wanted her to go to the closer private hosp but they didnt have any beds. The discharge planner had seen her and started assessing her which was ok kind of but this seemed to be before she was diagnosed and we were never really told all the procedulal shit till a lot later. At some time in the afternoon they sent over a doctor in nappies to inform me that she didnt have a broken hip and they diagnosed that she had back pain and they didnt admit people with backpain so she could go home. I looked at her 85years old out of it on pain killers but still having bad break through pain. They had given her no drugs to treat the pain other than morphine. I said to him well thats not really the issue I cant take her home in that state he looked at her and wandered off. Next the nurse in charge came to get rid of us. I got the pat on the arm and the condescending bullshit. The specialist that weekend had refused to look after her he was snowed under and the wonder boys had diagnosed backache so He wasnt interested in looking after that. She got the message I wasnt taking her home in that state and did a deal to keep her overnight and get the pain sorted. Off I went home
Come back sunday morning nothing much changed still on morphine still having break thru pain, nothing tried like valium to stop the spasms. I sat for two hours in front of the desk but no one came near me. she was crying and very upset in between sleeping. In the end I rang the friend that was visiting from melbourne and arranged to meet her at the beach. We had coffee and I told her what was going on. I went home and the hospital had been ringing where was I big panic she had failed the walking test big surprise and they werent allowed to send her home like that. We went back to the hospital and they had sent her to the private hospital. i said dont you normally tell relations when you move people oh she just left and they were just calling you more bullshit she left at least an hour before. Well that was the start of a four month nightmare of well meaning stuff ups and her decline in mental and physical health and our education into the world of caring for the aged.
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