doing the business

Feel very virtuous have filled in the forms written the cheques and done the business. Suddenly you end up trying to be Warren Buffet all too late. Oh well at least the stock market is back thru not today. i am playing the ASX game again but cant do anything today, sometimes you just have to hold your bets and wait. At least its only pretend money, wish it felt like that. I am going to pot up an azalea as a Bonsai, seeing I knocked off the last lot from lack of watering.
We have been doing some travelling to the country and to Adelaide. I lived in Adelaide for a while and my mother grew up there. I realised when we were driving out of Hay a part of me (the irrational part) was going to look for her in Adelaide so i was crying across the Hay plain. We went to look at the house she grew up in but nothing helps with grief except time, love for the earth and realising that we will all die, the grateful dead. There really is no time to grieve but I miss her. They were bigger than other people to me her brothers and her, they always thought they were right, like monuments. It is a year since she died. I thought I knew what grief felt like but I had no idea.
Work is crazy as usual. They knock off one beast in charge and another one pops up like the hydra. The casual pool percentage of staff gets bigger and bigger. They are pleasant mostly but often seem there for a social life, much confidence but little knowledge. The madness of the staff rivalled only by the patients and the social prpblems. I try not to read the social work reports that way I can treat them as normal, anyway they dont stay long enough to get involved or resolve anything. We are not a ward but a referral agency. I used to be really interested in health systems, comparing different countries, if I'd done my honours year I was going to do a thesis on the health systems of north and south vietnam during the Vietnam war, bet the world missed that one. I guess I am still a bit interested but very dis-illusioned and past imagining how you would fix the maddness of our health system. Their mission statement: if it works destroy it. Put that all over the walls along with the dreadful photos of the NUMs in the corridors. I only go for the money and the laughs.