Complete Block

Sunday just a bit of a daze, barely any sleep dozing in between visits from family and my ward staff. Doctor back to ask if I'd decided to have the pacemaker.  Then he came back again after looking at my ECG and said there is no choice its 3rd degree heart block and I had to have the pacemaker on monday. Asked my husband to come in on his own so I could talk to him about the pacemaker and ask him what he thinks, and give him advice about coping without me in case, he didn't take the bossing around from the prospective grave well. Said not to talk about that they will manage. He went to work and the kids came later.

Asked the nurse if I should fast but she said I probably wouldn't get done tomorrow, I wasn't on the list and the list was full. I was kind of relieved messaged husband. 

On monday saw the registrar she said they'd do an angiogram and check the heart, I thought good then she said the specialist said no I didnt need one, then someone came to take me for an angiogram. Everything looked normal unlike patient staff communications. Through perhaps confused is normal.I came back and got a cup of tea but I asked the nurse if I could drink it. She found out I was going for the pacemaker. I felt like I was in a flooded creek just swept along I felt sick from nerves and I didnt want to tell anyone. They put up some IVI antibiotics and I listened to some classical music. I thought they would give me some sedation but they didnt. I felt so upset but the nurses where really nice. 

The procedure was quite painful but it didnt take very long but it was quite an awful feeling of something going into your heart. As usual what staff will tell patients is painless was quite painful and emotionally very disturbing. Mostly through you never find that out till you are on the other side. 

After the pacemaker they lost interest in me off the monitor and fewer obs and less worried glances. In the morning the pacemaker adjusted, pharmacist seen, doctor seen then off home. To feel very odd and tell this story about 50 times. Have walked 2 hills successfully, I didnt realize how wary I'd become when exercising and I've lost a lot of fitness.

Saturday

I dont know when someone said I had 2nd degree heart block  and I didnt know what that meant really. The ward nurse changed the leads to the top of my shoulders saying if you have a pacemaker they wont do it if the skin is mucky because of the leads. I just looked at her pacemaker? thats extreme. Later the heart physician came around and said my thyroid was a bit low and they would put me on some thyroxin. Ok I thought thats whats caused the bradycardia no he says its not that low it wouldn't have caused that you have 2nd degree heart block you have to decide if you want a pacemaker. Then he outlined the procedure and how good the heart surgeon is, I said do I really need that, I think I was in shock, dont interrupt he said and continued the prepared speech. If you dont have one and you go home and collapse you wont be able to drive for 3 months.

I felt like Alice down the rabbit hole what was this world where they suggested sticking wires in my perfectly well if a little slow heart. I rang my husband to print off some info and asked one of the nurses for something about my condition. She gave me a folder written for a five year old but my husband and wiki came through with the basic stuff. The only answer for why they gave me was old age. Actually when I read the info I could see where they were coming from, what seemed strange to me was so obvious to them they couldnt explain properly. There is no other treatment than pacing. You can diagnose the condition definitively on ECG and according to the echogram and the enzyme? studies I hadn't had a heart attack. 

Through the night the girls said I had gone into complete heart block for 35mins and they were thinking of waking me. The lit said 2nd degree can progress rapidly to 3rd degree or complete block. I'm glad they didnt that was probably all the sleep I got. 

Whats wrong

I went to work on friday night feeling not well but not knowing exactly why. I knew my pulse was weirdly low and  I was feeling really tired and even walking down the corridor made me feel exhausted . I thought is my hemoglobin low, is my thyroid not functioning properly, am I getting asthma or old age, tiredness from playing golf for two days. I was taking vitamins and trying to do more fitness work. 

I got my mums sorted a bit and then did my blood pressure and pulse on the machine. My BP was ok as usual but my pulse was 45 I said to one of the girls do you think they would be worried about that in A&E. She said she thinks they'd admit you with that pulse. We decided that I should go to cas and get them to call me when they can see me. I went down and they triaged me and took me into one of the beds next minute they took blood put a cannula in, did an ECG and put me on a monitor. It was weird actually watching my pulse of 45 the nurse said stop watching it and turned the monitor away. There was a little parade of doctors I told my story to of vague symptoms a couple of colds breathlessness and feeling faint but not actually fainting. I think the first thing I noticed was getting breathless going up a small hill and having to stop to get my breath. They said they were going to admit me. I wanted to go and move my car but they wouldnt let me. I was trying to figure out what to do about the car. I cant remember what they said about the slow heart rate. It just felt really strange to be there but a relief too I was so tired of worrying about what was wrong now it was somebody elses worry so I just dozed on and off. I rang the girls on the ward to tell them what was happening and rang home. At 5am they moved me onto the cardiac step down ward and put me on a monitor. The girls came up from the ward and took my car home which was really nice of them. 

much ado

Just having a nothing much doing day watching stock market going down reading food blogs and the girl with the dragon tattoo. computers are time wasters I guess could be cleaning well gardening anyway. Back veranda still a nightmare of stuff of Mums that I find hard to get rid of. All sentimental. We are quiet at work I thought because of GFC but the others laughed and said most of the Mums wouldnt have heard of it. We dont have the brightest demographic I admit but then I was barely aware of world economy buried in motherhood, barely aware of my toes. 

Big puzzle was girl with retained urine. I've never seen this problem before much but we have had a couple now. They either cant void at all or they just void small amounts and retain heaps. We thought she was ok but when we did a bladder scan she had a lot retained and then put the catheter back in there was 3L she went home with a catheter in  and follow up. I did some reading but it all looks pretty vague. Seems to just cure itself the trouble is we get no feedback so you never know the outcomes of these things. Academic papers are ok but somehow anecdotal teaches you the fine details. Someone dug out a four page protocol of urine retention I had a bit of a look at it but it was a bit much to take in, must have another look later. 

Talked to one of the Dads he's one of the IT guys in the health service, yeap he said they change programs all the time but dont worry he said in a couple of years they will buy new programs and change it completely, how reassuring. I hope the patients are happy to look after themselves cause we will be looking after the computers. Does it make our job easier? one step forward 2 steps back the IT guy said the trouble is they dont consult the people using it. Yep. Maybe its me I'm just too old and inexperienced with computers to be comfortable with this stuff. What gets me through is the equipment in the place broken down machines not enough and I stuck a stethoscope in my ear the cover of an ear piece missing ow. They've bought these awful no doubt cheap heel prick things whats the official name? I had to prick the babys heel so many times to do the newborn screening test, some saving. You watch those medical shows drooling over the beautiful equipment. You get the feeling of being so isolated with the actual patients and this whole edifice of health bureaucracy making decisions. But who cares anymore, not them and not me, 

Oh heck I managed to make the writing bigger tech achievement but can I turn it back. 

once were wild

I have a friend who is always going on about how wild they were when they were young, That means getting very drunk I think and trying any sport or activity. We were thinking about the wild people we knew who are now dead or in wheelchairs. Sadly they werent very interesting people. We decided the most interesting people we knew were artists and people with a passion for something. Its why the Collectors show on ABC is interesting. I like gardeners too. What does being wild mean anyway. What I most admired was coolness but thats a pretty hard to define thing too. Maybe its a fundamental self assurance based in your own self belief and not on the opinions of others that might be the essence of coolness.

what we are worried about this week

Nurses like to be worried about something I think, they are very stressy about the job and change is nearly always seen as threatening. Mostly because it is often used as punishment and control. People are stressing about the 20 education points a year and that for mid we will need 40 points to maintain our rego, they want to know how they get it done how much it will cost them in time and money but there is mostly only rumors. I did a bit of a search around about it but no answers.
The other worry is something about decreasing aged care nurses penalty rates. If they reduce aged care rates anymore they better call the relatives in I'd be working for Aldi, no dirty beds. Husband works in aged care.
Also we got a story in the paper about nurses neglecting a mum and baby, in what was essentially a misdiagnosis by doctors and an understandable one at that it suddenly becomes the nurses fault and patients look like the enemy. One of the staff had printed off the story and the comments on it, nothing like nurses to scratch a wound. Thank god I didnt look after her anything looks like court cases I try and stay out of. Dont want to be in the walking frame giving evidence.
I body boarded twice this week so that stuff is all just down below, nothing like riding that wave to bliss you out and put the work stuff in perspective. maybe. never entirely give up the paranoia, they might actually be out to get ya.