Time

to turn the heater on I thought then I looked and it was on already its really cold, maybe the back door is open. Its sunday went to town to buy daughter 2 interview clothes and teaching clothes. Only 1 more semester and she is finished her course. 

We have bought ferrets flat. I have an idea to make it a B&B except a distant 2 streets away from us one. Husband hates the idea of strangers in the house, not yet reconciled to childrens presence. I think it would go well there is not much short term accommodation in this town. I am reading a book about running them. I always have this reflex thought  that I couldnt do that, but it would give me a little business. We have a fair bit of furniture. 

Sickie friday, bad me

Haha nice two days of golf and we came fourth exciting. Playing some nice shots. The weather cleared up so we were lucky. I called in sick for work and glad I did as my feet were really sore it was hard going pushing through the damp grass. It was team event and I played with a girl who is really fun and relaxing to play with so once we got our strategy we went good on the second nine. I think when you play with someone who is encouraging even when you dont hit a good shot it makes you play a lot better. 

The sun has moved to the north a long way, you forget to notice the seasons and that life of nature in all the human stuff. We have lost so much connection. I really enjoy sitting on the veranda watching the birds. 

 

Come on sack me

They will be talking about me my bad temper at work. Its deliberate through I am tired of working with some of the slack self promoters in that place. Whole reports consist of what they didnt do and could you do it. Sometimes you want to ask them what exactly did you do all day. Anyway I unloaded on one of them. Then the girl in charge tells me she is giving me the new lady, there wont be anything to do she says. I said no I'm not having her, I've got too much to do now, she thinks I'm kidding and makes a joke, I said I am serious I am not looking after 6 people when 2 of you have 4. Oh she says I'll take her, good I said. Then she is still trying to off load her on me with comments like I haven't got to that lady yet while she is sitting at the desk. I don't reply. You start to realize there are two brands of nurse the guilty (me) who (used to) run all shift and feel they never do enough and the exploiters who use your guilt to off load their work. When I was younger I didn't worry about it just ran around but too old to do extra. 

She finally went to check on her and the girl was bleeding so needed a catheter in and an IV with synto, the second post partum hemorrhage that shift. 

One of the other ladies I was looking after was waiting to go to theatre, complications after a cancer op I wanted to say to her why didnt you go back to your original surgeon not to our crap hospital but you cant say that. Pity. 

I was angry too before because it occurred to me that we were never going to be a midwifery ward again unless we are flat out with new mums we are going to be the overflow ward for the rest of the hospital and every-time we have an empty bed an ADON will be trawling to place for someone to dump on us. That the patients are getting sicker and more worrying and we  dont have the experience, equipment or medical back up to deal with them. 

I said that to one of the girls she said no it will get busy with babies again and then we wont be able to take generals. I said I think they will be sending the Mums home quicker, they've been off studying another hospital with a faster turn around than ours????? we cant figure how they do that unless they just show them the door of the ward and push them out on the street.

 

Cruising

We are google cruising all around the world fabulous, we saw a program about the Queen Mary 2 which was really interesting, brave guy to build it. Oh beautiful parrot in the trees green and red/orange King Parrot I think all the birds look big and healthy this year all the rain lots of food around. The bower birds have been in the front garden all morning. I have got my sister on to it now, good fun thinking of all the places you could go to in style and comfort. 

Back to work in a minute oh well on the home stretch and I might have a sickie to look forward to this week if I'm too tired after golf. So many people have been off the last two weeks fed up or kids ill or themselves ill. I dont think we can really be called a mid ward any more more once was midwifery. I think in our heads we were just thinking all this general patients on the ward were temporary but now we are realizing it is the mothers that are temporary. The heavies went of to another hospital that kicks out mother quicker than ours to see how they do it (prob by falsifying the departure times that how we do it!) so we can throw them out faster too, encouraging. 

stop all this weeping swallow your pride you wont die its not poison

Good advice to all. There is enough genuine grief isnt there without all this rubbish we do. Dealing with the anxious child again, no not me for once through you can see your reflection. 

Diverticulitis, pancreatitis, and fertility and round the world cruises

Nutty  two shifts at work, half mid patents and half general you feel like you are going in two different directions. Older ladies with hover children and new mums with hover mothers. So much time spent on explaining to relations, diahorrea vomiting new mum tears antibiotics. Trying to figure what is normal course for those diseases doctors wandering in without telling you they have been, or not coming because they dont know they have a patient on the mid ward 

Balmy sunday

I wish I didnt have to go to work its such a beautiful day and I would be happy in the garden. I am going to buy one of those cutters on poles, there is too much trimming to do by hand. I bought a chain saw but I was too frightened to use it. One of the ladies from aquarobics is going on a 3 month cruise around the world that would be fabulous, I hate flying so exhausting cramped into those seats for hours, 4 hours is about all I can stand of it. I wanted to be an air hostess once but after a long flight I couldn't even get on a plane for a couple of years. She said it will cost them 35 thou each I suppose with the side trips but I love the idea of it Sydney to Sydney no cooking only one packing and unpacking. We looked it up I said we should start a running away to sea fund and do some test runs to NZ to see if we like it. Cruising is really back in fashion. Horrible air trips I think. 

Signing the papers for the unit tomorrow unless they try to gazump us, bid up the price, he said he wouldn't but real estate.... Hope it goes smooth. I'm thinking of running a sort of b and b or more a serviced apartment. Short term accommodation is hard to find around here, anyway I'll talk to our property manager about it. We could furnish it with mums stuff which is stuffed into our house because I thought I should keep it for my sister who said I dont want any of that junk. 

Good news too the girl at work (well is 50's a girl. maybe not) is buying the other unit she knocked on doors to check the rent of the other units and they were good so I'm pleased for her. I hope it goes ahead.

It comes back

I remember how it goes now, you just make the offer go and see the lender. Then the real estate talk to the solicitor the bank talks to the real estate and they call you in to give them money and sign papers. 

Ferrets flat

We are looking at a unit to buy, its in our neighborhood and a bit under the market. Last year we bought the house for my sister (her money) and a unit for us to move into when the kids leave. Yet I can not remember the steps in the process so I'm going to write it down on the blog so I can look at it. Step one of course find the property. That is kind of funny because like all aussies bit obsessed with property, well probably more Sydney than Dubbo, its probably about a 1/5 of all dinner party conversations. Read the realtor mags and websites. Did find one I liked but a girl at work was looking so I told her about it also probably a little more than we wanted to pay this time. Havent heard how that went but better to stay out of it. She has a great deposit has been looking for years and is getting older, cant make up her mind and her children like the rented house. Theres a lesson, we never ask the kids about financial decisions. What 20 yr old gives a toss about their parents security or comfort. 

Then I thought this week oh well it will come to us when its ready and I saw this flat had an viewing on saturday so ran out and had a look, its a bit of a tardus, much bigger inside than it looks. Couple of things I dont like, ferret in the backyard for one but there is always something. Very rentable and we are near the uni. In a block of only 3. 

Got Husband to look yesterday, he liked, checked the numbers minimal rent seemed ok, if we get more and I think we could even better. Made an offer to realestate today, he will present it to the owner. Have an appointment with our bank, so better get ready....to be continued

Hibernation

We came home to some chilly weather. Colder than Adelaide and out west. I was longing to go in the sea but its so bleak today we will just have coffee and muffins at the beach. Played tennis this morning and now I am ridiculously sleepy, driving is tiring. We have even turned the heater on, but its nice to be cosy. I have to learn to put photos on this blog again. I think I will post a photo every day till I learn it properly.

We might buy a unit a couple of streets away it is quite cheap for this area as it got flooded years ago. This city is between the mountains and the sea, on a narrow flood plain and there are numerous creeks which have been piped or just let run but when it rains a lot we get big floods. The coalwash from the old mine came down and filled up the unit we are thinking of buying, which is why its a bit cheaper probably.  

To Adelaide Broken Hill and back, 3000km nearly

We drove to Adelaide to visit my Aunty and then came home via Broken Hill. Its a long drive. I'm tired today. I love that country through and those small towns. We stopped in rest areas and had a tea from our thermos which is nicer than in cafes, as you are outdoors. Broken Hill was very interesting, history never comes alive till you are in the middle of it. I'm always not very interested in Australian history but when you are in the actual places it means more. It is very dry country there, they call it the accessible outback which is true as you are a days (long) drive from Adelaide and the Riverina. 

The other really good thing we saw was the exhibition of William Morris and the Pre-Raphaelite designers which I love. Adelaide has the biggest collection outside of the UK as there were families in Adelaide who furnished their homes from his collections. He is such an interesting man because through he wanted to return to artisan working conditions (which only the rich could afford) his thinking was very modern classless and inclusive and interested in everything. 

Ah my friend rang to go out to dinner at Vietnamese again. Good timing too tired to cook and can wear my boots again. lovely. 

Boots and Bob

We went to see Bob Dylan locally. I wanted to look a bit more modern so went to look for some tights and short boots. Got dressed up daughters boyfriend said I looked very rock and roll, good, in a baby boomer way. Its weird to get old in a generation that never intended to. The boots are so cute, they have some fur at the top. The girls want to borrow them. Ends up your feet are the only part of your body that you are happy with anymore, and even they are getting bigger and wider. Went with a since-we-were-12 friend, she likes Elvis best but Bob is all thats left. I said you only get 3 bad comments about him, but I think she only did one. We had nice vietnamese meal first. 

The opening act was The Secret Sisters good country singers, and his band was sooo good sometimes I thought shush Bob let these boys play. Like his latest albums the music seems much more the point and the words kind of random. But I see his point words dont seem as important. I really like the way he mixes genres and re-interprets stuff. At one point they sounded like the big bands. It was the best show of his I've ever seen, except for "Desolation Row" sung in a ridiculous dadada thing desa lation row, all the way through. Maybe he hasnt got the breathe anymore for long sung passages through at the end he sung Stay forever young very sweetly. Anyway I dont know much about singing but I guess at nearly 70 some things have to change. He said in his latest book he had to find a new way of singing. 

We felt good after, a good night but I think I like classical music a bit more now.

Easter and holidays.

I happened to ask for my holidays at easter which is nice through I didnt know it was easter. I am not very good at forward planning or ceremonies. Today is good friday the kids are with their boyfriends. When the kids were little we would have a party every birthday for them and Christmas was important but I suppose shift work and my mother who was never into special events and a husband who is anti social means events have dwindled. Also we dont have many friends, invite-home-friends.

 My daughter said her boyfriend in-laws (there should be a word for that) said what do your family do at easter, she said work. People don't know what a disruption shift work is to social lives, you wonder if you tolerate it because you are not very social in the first place or you become anti-social because of it. Friends would say to me can't you come to the party or whatever but to even take sickie meant being abused on the phone by admin. Even my mother refused to ring for me  and a friend got stuck in a phone box listening them telling her off. They wanted you to turn up to the staff clinic so they could send you back to the ward no matter how bad you felt. Even if you were a 100 miles away you were supposed to get there. Training was a very appropriate word for it, training in fear and intimidation and loss of self confidence. 

Nurses still only get 10 sick days a year if they are full time despite working shift work and with sick people and a physical job teachers get way more and police but the union has never got off its lazy a to increase it. Also while I rant: so much for that 1 nurse to 4 patient stuff, thats a slow train never arriving. One of the girls said her boyfriend was working a double shift on a general ward at night. They rang the ADON to say they only had 2 people on 25 sick medical patients she said cut a nurse out of cardboard and put it on a chair she had no one to send. 

Be afraid be very afraid. This system is seriously sick and winter is coming. 

Combined age 165

I looked after the general patients under protest, me and another nurse said we didnt want them, I gave in she works full time I'm only part time, Two ladies in their 80's with cancer and a younger one. They were lovely. Really cute and funny so relaxing after wound up mothers and screaming babies. They had an early night they said 8.30 tucked them in. Their family came and they loved them a lot. One of the daughters fed her Mum, her mother said its like when I fed her as a child. Maybe I should get a job in aged care. Going for a surf. I feel happier but I am not into mixing with people much but that might be good you see other things birds and trees and other life.  

Three miracles

Worked tuesday day shift I dont do day shifts much doesn't fit in with family. We were short staffed and poor mix of experience and one poor casual quite sick in pain but no sick days. Told them who I was having, not the difficult patient again as I'd had her for 2 days and thought I will end up in a fight with her if she says one more F.... to me. I dont refuse patients much but sometimes its better when you know you are at the end of your patience with someone. I had 5 people but 2 were ok and one was going home, which takes quite a lot of organizing. We had been trying to get a physio to see her about some issues for two days so I rang and left a message. They came miracle 1, didnt do much but I hate saying to patients we will do things and they never happen. 

The other girl had been waiting for an ultrasound for days rang U/S oh no form ring Doc form written sat ring U/S check sat oh yes we'll do it tomorrow, tomorrow? oh we might fit her in in the afternoon. She got one in the pm miracle 2. 

Then the big one. C/S wound break big hole been home and back, very upset new baby, life vision of stuck in hospital for ? weeks. Promised the wound care person will see her, still hadnt come so I rang oh yes I'm coming next (was she) I'm off at 11.30. Funny person. Looked at the wound said oh about ten times then walked out saying I didn't want to say anything in front of patient. I said you should, we talk to our patients. She wanted to ring the doctor to get permission for a Vac dressing he wasnt answering I said go ahead and arrange it I'll tell him about it, he'll be fine with it. Then she left but didnt tell me that she'd organized it. I told the doctor and waited then miracle 3 the company rep turned up to help us do the dressing. We thought she put it on but I did under her direction. It is really good a closed system that only needs changing twice a week. Very good for a new mum. I'm sure there are issues with it and very expensive but really a good solution for her and she could go home and get seen by the community. She said thank you about a hundred times this would never had got done if you hadnt pushed it. I'm afraid she is right. I was so happy it got organised.

Theres always the sting in the tail one of the petulant princesses had complained to a junior doc (a fellow PP) she hadnt got her iron and vit c tablets and she complained to the unit manager who had the good sense for once not to bring it up with me. Sigh. Who told this gen that its all about you. I laughed felt happy who knew a Vac dressing could make you so happy. 

Nutty conversation

In the kitchen the family are making dinner as I "worked" today well had a study day on the sick neonate. They are having quite an odd conversation in the kitchen. 

The study day was a little upsetting as that was where I liked working in the nursery but they got rid of me years ago. They started this policy of rotation through all the areas birthing unit the clinic and the ward oh they said everybody will be rotating except only a few people ever got moved, and mostly as punishment for not crawling to the horrible NUM of the nursery. She resembles a rat. I guess I was lucky to get out of her orbit it would have ended in tears working in there. The ward is creepy but not as bad as the nursery. To begin with we are all the rejects on the ward so hardly anyone crawls or tells stories. The thing was I regarded those people in the nursery as my friends but they were just happy it wasn't them being moved no one protested about it they just kept quiet in case they got into trouble. Nurses. 

I think now, too late nursing was a big mistake of a career. Lots of reasons. I guess not that many people get just the right job for them, especially  woman  when I was young, choice of be a nurse or be a teacher, didnt seem to be much else. I think my daughters are choosing the right things and I hope they have the confidence and self belief to move on when they want to. I never did. 

In the ocean

Thats what I like, its been huge surf. Kelly Slater was being towed into the waves so thats me on dry land but it finally calmed down on friday and I had a lovely body board the waves were just right rolling in. dramatic sky, big clouds building up some kids with a camera taking pictures I must do that one day my camera is water proof. Its amazing looking. I was still a bit addled from thursday golf, didnt take enough water out and it got really hot and windy so felt like heat stroke a bit. Still not good at work yesterday. I hope better today but maybe you just get carers exhaustion.  

nada

Fourth grey day, not good yesterday upset with everything hopeless, went for a body board in a grey green sea under grey sky it rained a little bit but good waves and felt betterish. Watched the pictures from Japan feel like we will get stuff washed up here. You feel so sorry and so helpless. I said to our Japanese nurse that we want to go to japan and look after the old people because they are so cute. She said they are and they are so little and quiet. I read a story of an American blogger in japan who is staying with friends all in one room and they say a japanese word which means we must be strong. Honestly I think the Japanese people and culture are world treasures. 

out of the grey day she came her red hair falling like the sky

It is one of those grey days where it threatens rain but does not just sits like a sullen child. That line is from the Incredible  String Band who run through my head they deserve a revival but then whats fame worth less than dust. They are nice to listen to and their lyrics paint pictures. There is a mad bunch of birds in the backyard screaming their heads off, you can hardly call lots of Australian birds melodious but they are funny. There will be lots more too when all the inland water dries up they will migrate to the coast. 

I was thinking of the Parliament of Birds a sufi poem by Attar which I have only read bits of of, found there is a Chaucer poem by the same name and Attars poem is know as Bird Parliament. Ah the internet is incredible really the poem was posted in 2007. It is brilliant. Should be a pixar movie. The grey has turned white a bit more cheerful. 

Twitchy tired

Part of problem solved, swopped the 2 nights for an afternoon and a day shift, so I'll have one sick day this week so thats good. THINGS WORK OUT. I say this to myself since the kids were little and I would get overwhelmed by the stuff I would have to do the next day, like needing to be in two places at once. Often a friend would offer some help just when you need it or you would just feel better in the morning. I am finding I am much better if I dont get too tired, esp emotionally. Today I am tired as I worked my two shifts, they weren't too bad except I had the high anxiety group also 2 of them were our nurses so you feel extra worried for them. Sometimes they ask you to do something but I think oh you are 30 years younger than me and I am tired. My thumb is really sore from pulling on those horrible support stocking I hate those things they particularly annoy me as the literature says they dont do anything anyway. Money for crap. 

There is an ad for nursing saying 2 days are never the same thats for sure, one day our ward is a midwifery ward the next its the dumping ground for everything and anything. Two of the mums had diarrhoea which is going through the hospital and the community so I may a genuine sickie

if I'm unlucky. 

I was late to tennis today as the builder came and a friend rang but I went anyway as we were going out to lunch for one of the lady's 70th birthday. The charge sister rang to see if I wanted to work this afternoon or tomorrow yuck no. 

When I was driving to the restaurant I was imaging what a tsunami would do to our town as we are next to the sea. Wolfgang, our only male tennis playing said he was thinking that too. It makes me cry looking at the pictures from Japan.